Cheap thrill

As well as the undertaker’s, my daily trip to the station has me passing an adult boutique. Handy. If I so desired, I could get suited and booted and ferried and buried in one fell swoop in one short street. How’s that for customer service?

Unfortunately, fetish clothing and fetish sex has never done it for me. I’ve never got roped into it by previous partners and the thought of being smacked and seduced doesn’t whip me into a frenzy. I’m more an H&M than an S&M girl, me.

If I want to get a thrill while wearing something plastic, I can slip a carrier bag over my head and stand next to the chilled desserts cabinet in Waitrose. Ooh, that wickedly rich tiramisu is such a turn on!